|Mablethorpe CSI even?|
I'm not wearing any socks with my white Gucci loafers with tassels, and my Armani suit is a pastel shade of fuchsia combined with a faded cornflower-blue t-shirt but I ask you, what else would be suitable for driving my snarling black Morris Minor Daytona convertible up and down Mablethorpe seafront at high speed?
If you can hear the Jan Hammer music playing in your head then you're as old as I am!
Just completed a very peculiar-feeling assignment today: images of a "legal" nature. Technical photos rather than photo-photos. Photos for evidence rather than edification.
No names, no pack drill, but there had been a certain amount of violence involved and there were bits of bent metal and broken glass all over the place.
Twas most odd indeed to have to throw the look and feel of a set of photographs right out of the window and to worry only about getting mandatory standard views. Height of camera tripod to be set exactly, shadows to be filled in with an icky-yucky amount of blasted flash and generally every artistic rule (and broken rule) in the book ignored. Time and date to be accurately set and displayed for possible reference by the courts, images to be supplied "as is" directly out of the camera with EXIF data intact, instead of via Photoshop, and all taken in a strict, pre-defined order. Eek! Time alone will tell whether I did my job properly.
Lack of variety is not a problem in this peculiar profession.
I think I successfully managed to assume the combined personas of Mully & Sculder on a good day, or possibly that of some random professional taken from CSI.
Oddly, there were mutterings from the crowd about the arrival of Juliet Bravo's elderly aunty as I stepped out of my car, but I couldn't see her anywhere.
OK, alright already, I admit it; I probably looked much more like Miss Marple's vintage assistant, Mr Stringer. So be it then. Mr Stringer it will be from now on! That's much more "me" anyway ...
Tweed cap and a Box Brownie. The prints will be ready a week on Thursday, Your Honour. Colour or black & white?
|The greatest crime-fighting duo of all time! Miss Marple and Mr Stringer.|
You must have the films developed immediately, Mr Stringer ... the Colonel may very well have done away with Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick. Or then again, he may not.
Oh but Miss Marple, I do so fear that my finger or thumb may have been in front of the lens at some crucial juncture ...
Stout heart, Mr Stringer, get them developed and we shall see.
But Miss Marple, they were all digital images.
Digital? What is that, something to do with the position of the digits? No matter how rude, Mr Stringer, no matter how rude, we must have those images. Remember that Mr Churchill was apt to offer a couple of communicatory digits and we could not expect the underworld to be any more than impolite.. Away with you and quick about it, Mr Stringer, time and tide, time and tide. ...
Altogether an interesting day. Odd, but interesting. Interesting but not, I hope, a full-time new profession. I still prefer weddings, motorsports and swanky events!
And anyway, for another thing, my knees get cold so easily.