Monday, 31 December 2012
I've been awarded a C.S.O. in the New Year Lists!
Solicitor has just sent an iTelegram confirming that I have been awarded a C.S.O. in the New Year Lists!
Apparently I have to attend an official ceremony. I assume that whereas for Knighthoods and so forth one goes down on one knee and is tapped on the shoulders by Her Majesty, for a C.S.O. one stands on one leg, slowly extends one's chosen ankle, draws up the trouser and The Queen straps on the ceremonial bracelet of office, or something. No doubt it's all shrouded in ancient ceremonial and history.
I shall have to buy new socks and sock-suspenders. Should I shave my leg, do you think, or wax - and how far up do I need to go? What if I start to wobble and get the giggles while I have my leg extended? Is it acceptable to brace oneself against Her Majesty while she uses the Court Pliers to twist the wires of the Official Seal together? So many questions, so little time! So few answers in the Court Brochure!
One hopes that there will be time for a chat and a quick snog with Her Majesty afterwards, and probably some sort of silk-lined presentation box to take the ankle-tag home in. Must check with the Expenses Committee of The House about subsidies for getting all of my various business cards re-printed with the C.S.O. after my name - there's bound to be something from the EU. If not then I'll just put it down under "Miscellaneous" and get them to smudge the VAT receipt.
So, splendid end to 2012 or what eh? I'm tickled pink.
Tortte (Senior) of Messrs Tortte, Tortte, Whipllashe, Malffeasance & Tortte (Deceased) says that he'll explain it all to me if I meet him at Marylebone Station in a couple of hours. Oddly, he seems to have given me directions to Marylebone Police Station, not the Railway Station, and he has asked me to wear a "high visibility vest". Possibly been drinkin' again.
Hugh-visibility vest eh? Well it is winter and it must be some sort of ancient custom, I suppose, so I'm goin' with a starched Marks & Spencers' winter-weight white coarse string vest from the "David Beckham" label range and just wearin' it off the shoulder but over the cummerbund - don't want to get in the way of my medal. I suppose that if it gets too warm I can always slip my shirt off from underneath or lose the morning coat.
I just knew that this was goin' to be my year!
Sir Owl Wood C.S.O.
Has a ring to it, don't you think?
I wonder what the initials stand for?
Damned excited, I don't mind tellin' you, to see who else is there and bein' awarded what! I expect that it will be stuffed with folk from Who's Whom & Why. Splendid. I wonder what I got it for?
[Nanny, the miserable old wag, suggests that it may simply be some sort of "Community Service Order" imposed for egging the Duch & Such of Cambridge last month. What nonsense!]